Testimonial Karimah

It has been a long hard road. I have met plenty of people along my journey, some good, some bad. I have learned many hard trying lessons and have made some mistakes, some small, some big even huge at times. I do not see myself as better than or less than I am not perfect by any means but I am me.

I Am a beautiful loving kind soul who is evolving as I sit here and write this testimony even. I believe as human beings we are always evolving, always growing, everchanging. I do not know how my journey will end here on this earth but I do know I am who I am and embracing that and continuing to allow myself to feel deal and heal that the journey I lead will leave me satisfied and serene in the end. At least this is what I believe.

You see, I struggle with addiction. I am an addict in Recovery. Some might say why do you label yourself in that way? I label myself that way because that is a part of me as a whole. I do not let being an addict consume me. My very being, I am made up of many different things. This is just a piece of me that I have struggled with for many years. A very important part of me that I have to recognize is there and tend to everyday because if I don’t then I can not truly and wholly be myself.

I did not always feel and think this way. I had to work on myself and continue to do so constantly every day. I got to say it is not easy to slow myself down and sit with myself every day. To analyze myself, take a self inventory so to speak and honestly see myself for who I  am. It takes much courage and honesty and willingness. Willingness to face all that ugliness that I so desperately tried to hide and cover up with substances. Not even just substances but people, places and things. This being said, I needed help. Because that is a lot to face on your own. I had to open myself up and take risks and suggestions from others and organizations that help people like myself. I had to sacrifice some things like time and the willingness to listen and try something different.

So I said what the heck let me give this a try. Nothing else is working if I just sit here and continue doing the same things over and over getting the same end result, which was hating myself and negative thinking all the time and being so fearful. Fearful of everything. I was doing behaviors like self sabotaging and making unrealistic goals for myself. Basically setting myself up for failure. Knowing the end result because again I have been abusing myself for many years. I say abusing myself because I learned that this is what I was doing. Not only was I doing this to myself but I was allowing others to abuse me as well consciously and unconsciously. I also was the abuser because living the way I was along the way I picked up some really hurtful behaviors. You are the company you keep right.

Anyways, like I said in the beginning I met a lot of different people along my journey. There is one person in particular I would like to share about because she has been a very significant person in my life. As a strong black woman in recovery Kerri has been the light that has guided me this past six months. I have been blessed to have her a part of my world. She has been a positive role model and an inspiration to me. She is an amazing woman. She plays many roles as a human being on this earth. She is a mother, a sister , an aunt and a very dear friend to me. She has loved me when I had a hard time loving myself. She has and continues to teach me what it is to show up as your true authentic self in this sometimes brutal unforgiving world. She has done this by being her true genuine self. Loud and blunt at times but even when she presents herself in that way I can still see the nurture in it. She has taught me that even when I don’t want to show up for life, do it anyway and then celebrate that no matter how small or insignificant it may seem. She has reminded me about how beautiful nature is and how important it is to sit in it and recognize its beauty. How we as human beings are connected to it and how it feeds our inner self. She has taught me to feel my feelings and recognize them when they come but that I don’t need to wallow in them but when I am  ready to gently let them go. She has taught me all of these things and more simply by caring and loving me for who I am.

Don’t get me wrong, she has pointed out some negative behaviors and patterns that were detrimental to my healing. For example I would congratulate myself for going on a walk but then in the same sentence put myself down by saying I only went for 20 mins. Or I would share with her a huge goal I have and she would point out that I needed to be realistic so I wouldn’t overwhelm myself and selfsabotage. Sometimes I would just be negative and she would gently point out how I needed to redirect my thinking patterns to be more positive. A lot of times I would get upset with her because she would not sugar coat my stuff or coddle me. Eventually through working on myself I would finally see what she meant. I have seen her go through her own pain as well. She has done so with grace and integrity. She is a beautiful soul and God knows has gone through hell and back to get to where she is today.

This woman I speak of with such love and adoration is Kerri Lewis who is a life coach. If you’re interested in changing your life for the better and dealing with someone who truly cares, hit her up.

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